We survived one of the toughest years of our lives. I am so happy to see 2013 behind us and I look forward to 2014 and plan to take this year head on. I haven't really thought of any "resolutions" but my plan is to "be happy". 2013 brought us so much uncertainty.....financial struggles....anxiety and depression.....marital stress...and loneliness. Last year we fought infertility mostly alone, only updating close friends and family with only the information we wanted them to know. But a lot we kept to ourselves, or should I say a lot I kept to myself.....
December was by far the worst of all the months in last year. I finished my last clomid attempts
(6 total but the 3rd in 2013) and my husband hit his lifetime maximum for fertility drugs with my insurance. While we were deciding what to do next and knowing we had only two options left IUI & IVF, I was notified a week before Christmas that my job would be eliminated.......however they were willing to offer me a job making 25% less than what I was currently making and it would increase my gas expense by changing my schedule to 5 days. So I was faced with a decision to stay with the company, accept the pay decrease and increased gas expense (and not be able to pay my bills) just to keep my insurance OR decline the job and move on, resulting in potential loss of insurance (bc my cobra is ridiculous). So the first thing I did was schedule some last minute doctors appointments with our specialist and schedule cryropreservation of my husbands sperm, then I began looking for another job....
Communicating about our issues with Greg is still something I struggle with. I really dont understand because typically I tell him everything. I really hate stressing him with stuff we can not control, I hate seeing him worry about me, and I sometimes find it hard to write about without getting upset and the last thing I want to do is have anyone see me cry over this. However having these fertility appointments with Greg there for everything was awesome because the doctor explained everything to both of us in a way no other doctor has. She took the time to help Greg understand what exactly was going on with me and where all my pain originated from. I think he has always understood I was in pain during my menstrual cycle but I always felt like he never understood where the random pain and discomfort came from and as if I was using it as an excuse. So I'm hoping we can continue to improve our communication with these upcoming appointments.
So where are we at today....well during our appointment I learned some VERY interesting information that had never been discussed with me before and may have very well changed a few things over this process. At the age of 11 my appendix ruptured....I went almost 24 hours after the ruptured before we realized it wasnt just severe cramps combined with a stomach virus. I was so used to the monthly pain of my menstral cycle and the doctors telling me to just take pain meds, that i didnt realize there was something else wrong. Well according to my doctor, my tubes were more than likely damaged by the infections/inflammation during all this, then combine that with the laproscopic surgery scar tissue and cyst damage she is pretty confident my tubes are not functional and blocked....so she gave me a choice to finally do the HSG (that was put off last year pending my husband being able to produce sperm) and check my tubes. IF by a chance they are functional we can attempt IUI which would be significantly cheaper, but the Dr said with Greg's counts and our accurate timing of ovulation we have essentially done that so we are defintely looking at another issues whether it be my tubes/egg quality/etc. If my tubes are damaged/blocked then she recommends going straight into Invitro, instead of attempting to open the tube and messing with my existing cyst.
SO MANY DECISIONS..............Ive applied for the financial assistance organization that my clinic works with so they can "bundle" my procedure (which ever we decide to go with) and we just need to figure out how to pay for it........Ive started the available grant applications that I have found.....and I am working hard at finding a new job and figuring out what we will do about insurance...... I really dont understand anyone really understand how crazy this infertility process is unless you have been there....
So all thoughts and prayers are appreciated!!!!!!
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