Happy Birthday to Me!!

I must say my husband out did his self this year! Under normal circumstances I enjoy planning stuff and getting together with family and friends, however the last year I have found it overwhelming and stressful and I have not enjoyed having the responsibility of making sure everyone is invited, shows up, and has transportation. Not to mention the anxiety I get in having to entertain people and be my happy normal self. This weekend reminded me that I have the most awesome friends and family and how much they care and make me happy :) It also reminded my that our infertility is just a part of our life and I can not let it define us, which is good timing because Fall is a busy party planning time for me ~ my youngest niece turns 2 on Sunday, Im planning a baby shower for late Sept/early Octoberish, (yes i know a baby shower....yikes...but since its for someone that would do the same for me I know it will all be worth it and I will be glad I did), and our annual Halloween Party......so I will be a busy little bee!!! But anyway, back to the birthday festivities....

Greg had asked me what I wanted for my birthday several times and I told him that a simple dinner and movie would be fine with me and that I didn't need a big production for the big 32! Obviously he thought I deserved more ~ at first the anxiety took over when I realized he was planning weekend festivities....on Thursday I had a little pep talk with myself and made a decision that I was going to enjoy this weekend and just go with the flow with no expectations for the weekend but just enjoy it and be grateful that Greg was putting in effort to do something for me.

After a day of birthday festivities at work,

Emotions of Infertility.....Anxiety

Fear, Pain, Anger, Anxiety, Hopelessness, Sadness, Failure, Loss, Guilt, Pessimism..........I could go on and on. I think this has been one of the craziest emotional roller coasters we have ever been on!!!

The worst part about it is how hard it is to talk to others or even each other about all these emotions so instead we tend to repress them and act like everything is okay in front of everyone when i really want to scream, cry, and throw stuff. When I think about talking to someone about it or  sharing this blog I begin to talk my way out of it because I know it's not possible for them to understand and I fear of hearing those reassuring comments, "relax", "it will happen", "my friend has that too and had a kid". I know its not their fault they dont understand but I guess I feel its better not to put them in the awkward situation to have to reassure me.....

~~~~~ANXIETY~~~~~~

" anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry, and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing" Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety