It's been a while......

The last 4 weeks of my life have been the most chaotic, stressful, and overwhelming. So much so that the "fertility" stuff took a back seat for a couple weeks ~ which I cant say was a bad thing because the fertility stuff was about to drive me insane. I sat down to right a post several times but I never completed one because although I use this a stress reliever, it actually started stressing me out more thinking about everything at once so I decided to wait on the posts until I was mentally in a better place.

My Aunt (who I mentioned in my last post) passed away September 15th. It is so hard to lose someone you love, but I realized it so much harder watching you loved ones suffer and watching your surviving loved ones hurt. She held on for over 2 weeks in hospice, most of which my mother and my aunt sat at side. As much as I hate that place "hospice" I tried to be there as much as possible to be there for my mom. We did have a few "minor" family meltdown but NOTHING like I was afraid of. I was expecting another World War, but everyone did try their best to understand that everyone grieves in different ways.

Unfortunately we have a few family members that rely on drugs and alcohol to grieve...
...this has weighed heavy on my heart lately because being someone who had not experimented with many drugs or only drinks alcohol on occasion during social gatherings, I can not bring myself to understand addiction as the monster that it evidently is. I can not understand how people let their need for a "high" destroy their lives. How does a parent put that "high" before their children and risk loosing them?? I wish it was as simple as confronting the person and helping them see what it is doing, but its not. It really is an illness, a disease that keeps people form seeing how much their loved ones care and makes them ruin their life if they are unable to get a hold of it. The saddest part is that you can not do anything about it until #1 they admit they have a problem and ask for help OR #2 they do something crazy to hurt themselves or someone around them. Ive watched several of my friends and family go through this lately and it makes me so sad and angry that I can not help because they are in constant denial that something is wrong. As crazy and stressful as my life can get, I just can not imagine doing something to destroy the relationships I have with my friends and family, or loose my focus on my desire to have children and ruining it by drowning myself in drugs and alcohol to deal with the grief. Here lately I try to relate addiction to mental illness. Mental illness unfortunately runs in the family..I grew up with a bipolar mother and has watched a lack of understanding of mental illness has destroyed relationships. Again it is something that can not be helped until the person realizes there is a problem or someone gets hurt or does something out of the norm. Its such a sad thing to watch someone go though.   So I try my best just to continue to let them know that I am here if they need me, because that is all I know to do.

On the fertility front, for the last few weeks I have had the worst experience with my insurance, and pharmacies ever!!! Im still so frustrated with it that I would probably just get my heart rate up if I start to explain it all but Im sure it will pop up on a future post ~ But in the meantime I will say that I HIGHLY RECOMMEND contacting your insurance about your "fertility coverage" find out exactly what is covered and not and make sure you understand your pharmacy benefits 100% (i.e Benefit limits on prescriptions, approved pharmacies, approved specialty phamacy & any surcharges you may encounter if you do not use the approved pharmacies particularly for TEIR 4 prescriptions.) Ask for a copy of your complete benefits booklet ~ Request an explanation of benefits ~ Request a list of covered prescriptions with details on copays ~ & confirm coverage with your doctor's financial department prior to beginning treatment ~ You should do this PRIOR to any treatment! Funny thing is, is that I read this over and over and I thought I had researched enough information until i realized i missed the small print clause about Prescription Benefit Limits being $5000 and TEIR 4 meds require a specialty pharmacy or you would get a surcharge that you put you at your benefit limit sooner!!!! Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about this ~ after this experience I think I could open my own pharmacy and insurance company!!!!