Living with Endometriosis

Growing up I always knew that something wasn't right, and no one seemed to understand. I clearly remember my first few cycles and what everyone around me called normal menstrual cramps. I thought of them as more like excruciating contracting and twisting of my lower abdominal organs, pain so bad it would almost always make me sick to my stomach. I was in and out the doctor every month and was told I had "dysmenorrhea" defined as excessive menstrual cramps that interfere with daily activity, and was sent home with extra strength aleve and birth control. Well mine didnt just interfere with daily activity, it interfered with weekly activities, relationships due to the lack of understanding, work & school, and my entire life for at least one week every month.

The worst part about it is no one understood, and they still dont understand. In school I found my self missing school and having to explain my absences because I didnt always have a doctors not (bc I couldnt afford to go to the doctor every month for something they really couldnt do much about but feed me drugs). Even the doctors never seemed to take it as serious as I thought they should. I just couldnt understand why my menstrual cramps seemed so much worse than everyone elses, and I began to thing everyone just thought i was being a baby.  And it isnt just the monthly cramping, due to the scar tissue attaching itself where ever it wants in my abdomen, I experience cramping and pain about 70% of the time in my abdomen, back, and legs, although its not excruciating  - it is annoying and uncomfortable. Also endometriosis makes sex painful which is quite an issue when you are trying to get pregnant. Not only all that....it makes you infertile!

Feeling alone and crazy I began to get bad anxiety every month "waiting" for my menstrual cycle and waiting for the pain........As and adult

It's a...............

So a few posts back I mentioned throwing this baby shower for a dear friend for the pending arrival of baby girl Zaylee. Paige went into labor and delivered this sweet bundle of joy on 11.12.13, well turns out IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, Im still kinda in shock........as Im sure mommy and daddy are too! The family is doing great and at home now with baby boy Titus Monroe Bachellor ~ and he has the cutest button nose I have ever seen :)

This has given me some serious baby fever.....and sent me back into a researching, over analyzing, frenzy......seriously this has got to happen for us soon!! I just cant imagine that it is not meant for us to have children of our own.

I have been off birth control now for over a month and have yet to start my cycle, no ovulation, no cycle and no day 1 so I can start my clomid.......seriously any time i have ever missed a pill in my entire life, i have what seems like a full blown menstrual cycle the next day.....and now we are going on over a month.....my calendar is ready, prescription is in hand, ovulation & pregnancy test are ready, and WE ARE READY!

Greg's appointment for his cryropreservation is Dec 3rd, and we also have a consultation with the fertility clinic that is doing the preservation to discuss options should this trying it on our own doesnt work.....BUT i can't help to be hopeful that this is going to work. I mean give us a break on the first one since we know any future attempts are gonna cost us a bunch of money.....

So we wait.....and hope that one day we get to experience the baby showers, the baby gifts, decorating a nursery, buying diapers, and welcoming baby Pullen.

In the meantime I will continue to fight through the negative feelings, the jealousy, the anger and not let this disease make me a bitter person. So far, so good and thankfully I have a lot of amazing babies, and children in my life that helps me keep my focus on my love for them :)

Hoping I made the right decision.....

So on to my next crazy decision............Ive mentioned my 17 year old sister being pregnant.......this is the same sister that lived with me from ages 12-15. She is now emancipated and for the last 6 months has been trying to find a place to live for her and her boyfriend. She is still a senior in highschool, and I am very proud of her to still be in school and doing well given the circumstances over the last couple years. As a teenager who is old enough to drop out, as well as emancipated, I am amazed at her determination to stay in school and graduate.

A few months ago she mentioned looking for a place to live, she had found a few places that fell through, and now was looking at going to a shelter. So my husband and I had several talks about her and her situation. As much as I wanted to help I knew #1 I was not in a financial state to take care of anyone else given what we were going through with all this fertility mess & #2 she was pregnant, about to bring a baby into this world which is what Greg and I have been working so hard for so long....

To my surprise it was Greg's idea to let her come stay with us. We had daily conversations about it for over a week because I just wasnt sure it was the best decision for us....one of my major concerns was that what if she doenst have anywhere to go when the baby came??  We had already struggled with that situation before with my sister Amber...and I felt horrible that we were not prepared to have a newborn in the home.  Then one day Greg just looked at me after I asked him the same questions over and over and said...."Stacy it will all work out, we will handle it when it happens, stop worrying about it" Of course Greg knows me better than anyone and I know he was thinking that I would be devastated if my sister went to a shelter and dropped out of school.  So at that point a decision was made to let her come stay with us.

It has been two weeks and so far so good. While I excited about having another niece I am also scared for my little sister. I know that everything will work out but I know she really has no clue what is about to happen, and the lifestyle changes that are about come. I mean I cant tell you Im 100% prepared for having a child. But I hope that Im able to help a little bit and right now the best thing I can do for my sister and my niece is allow her to stay with me and help her finish school. Again I think I would really regret allowing Infertility to make me a person I am not. Under any normal circumstance I would have not thought twice about this decision. So now we just figure it all out from here and await the arrival of Miss Kahmayah!

Due March 25, 2014