Dear Aunt Flo....

Your decision to delay your visit is not exactly assisting with my desire to start a family and is wearing on my patience. You usually arrive within 5-7 days, its been 12!!!

 It seems the one time that I anxiously anticipate your arrival you decide to take your sweet time. Typically you arrive right like clockwork. I apologize I have suppressed your visits for the last year, but I could not endure the pain and heartache you caused me every month. However, this time I get excited every time I think I feel my ovaries move or the slightest cramp. Unfortunately, that usually just turns out to be hunger or gas pains. This extra time is making my mind go 100 miles per hour, giving me time to rethink if I really want to go through this and risk more possible heart ache, risk having multiples, or risk financial hardships that I may not be ready for. The delay in your arrival also makes me wonder if there is something wrong. I have track your visits for the last 5 years and you have always been way more predictable.This time I welcome the cramps, bloating, and moodiness because I know it takes us one step closer to our ultimate goal of starting a family. So if you could expedite you arrival that would be great.

Sincerely
Me

P.S. Feel free to leave all of those horrible side effects at home.

Ready...Set....IUI

So I'm set.....but ready, that's another story. My fear of my body failing me has been very hard to ignore, I want this so bad and not sure I can handle failure. I get so excited one moment, but it is quickly taken over by fear. Fear of letting Greg down, our parents....Fear of finding out after these procedures that my body wont cooperate and I'll never carry a baby.  I question every thing in my life trying to find a reason not to do it so I can avoid a negative test. I've convinced myself at least once a day that we shouldn't do this....

But then I realize that I want this more than anything in the world and I won't know till I try. We have the most amazing family and friends that I know will pick us back up if this does not go the way we hope. I suffered probably the biggest heartbreak of my life last year losing my dog of 14 years, and I survived. It sucked and my heart was shattered but I am doing okay today.

So we move forward, I stopped my birth control on Friday so my Day 1 should arrive in the next couple of days and then the medications and countdown begins. I'm sure this will be the longest month of my life!!!! Stay tuned as I plan to document the next 30 or so days....and for those following that are in my everyday life - Thank you for your patience and understanding... I haven't been sharing every thing going on with a lot of people mainly because I do not want to have to tell everyone we tried..but it didn't work. So prayers and thoughts are appreciated during the next month and hopefully we will have some good news to follow.