Updates, Pinterest & More

So I finally took a little time to update this blog and my pinterest ~ I have been using this blog a basically a "journal" for myself, and with there being so many interesting infertility blogs out there that keep it funny and positive, I figured there would be no one really interested in mine. However, I have had many people reach out to me regarding my blog over the past few months and I realized that even the negative, sad & depressing posts help others in my situation realize they are not alone. Hopefully one day I get to a point where my blog isnt so sad, but in the meantime Ill continue to express my feelings in the way they come.

So check out the About Us section of the blog to see where we have been and where we are at today in our journey ~ http://achievingfertility.blogspot.com/p/about-us.html

Then head over to the Infertile Love Pinterest for information that I have used, found interesting, and that has been helpful in my search for answers and guidance ~ http://www.pinterest.com/infertilelove/

I also have a facebook created but I have not published it yet, and Im always open to questions, suggestions, and comments!

Baby Class?? Sure why not....

So I volunteered to go to a "Baby Fast" class...this is a class that my little sister signed up for that provides resources for young parents and supports them in finishing school. So my sister asked me to go with her to the "meeting" to be her support person and I agreed.....well this "meeting" was a group of young parents, their children and some young mothers still expecting, and the parents support team. As if seeing new born babies and pregnant girls everywhere wasnt overwhelming enough, the meeting started off with singing and dancing to nursery rhymes..........then we are broken into groups to discuss a new parent "situation", THEN we are all separated and taken into different rooms ~ moms in one room, dads in one room, and support groups in another. Little did i know this was a "therapy" session. We all went around the room and introduced ourselves and then the question "How did you find out about the baby?".....what i heard was....How did you find out that your 17 year old little sister that you raise through most of her teenage years was pregnant? Well.....that brought back soooo many emotions.... and memories....

My little sister came to live with me in 2008, the same year as my laproscopic surgery/ovary removal and the beginning of our quest to have children.  In 2009 when she began to be a full blown teenager, doing crazy teenage stuff and experimenting with everything, I became aware that it was possible that she may be or become sexually active. So through many conversations I made it VERY clear, that the worst thing she could do was come home pregnant.....and of course she probably thought I was just being the super overprotective sister but the real reason was I was not sure how I would handle such a situation....of course just thinking of my sister getting pregnant at such young age scare me, BUT what scared me more was I didnt know how I would react.....I was so scared that I would be too angry, too jealous, and have so much animosity towards her and the baby....I was so scare I wouldnt be able to control my anger and emotions and it would turn into a bad situation.  Just the thought that she could come home pregnant made me sick to my stomach....

And back my answer to the question in the baby class "therapy session" Well the day came that I got the phone call.......

Avoiding All Things Infertility

Since my layoff at the beginning of the year I have avoided all thing infertility. Trying not to think about anything because without a job and with health insurance there is no way we can proceed with anything....and I just dont want to acknowledge the fact that my husband is now on testosterone supplements and our only option at this point will be invitro using his frozen swimmers. Im overwhelmed with what it will cost of to try to have a child and realizing that we might spend all that money and it still not work. I should be grateful we still have options that might work, but part of me just wants to say screw it and give up.

Im going into my interviews and they always ask if I have any questions and I just want to be able to explain to them that I have a medical condition that might cause me to miss a day or two during the month, and that I plan to have children and since its not as easy for me as it is for others I might need time off during that process, and I want to ask if my desire to have children will be a problem for them. I have come this far and the last thing I want to have to do is face a road block when my employer is unhappy when these situations arise. But I dont ask these questions or explain the situation because I know, although illegal, disclosing this information will more than likely keep me from getting the job.

Every time I get to the point and say "I give up, and we will just be happy being aunt stacy and uncle greg", Greg decides he wants to remind me about how much he wants a little Greg or little Stacy running around....and I know that truly what I want to but sometimes I just feel like there is no fight left in me, sometimes I just feel like replying "we've decided not to have children anymore" when people ask me just so I dont feel obligated to explain. It just seems like the childless life would be so much easier....no more medical stuff....no needing to borrow money or get help from our parents to financially afford the fertility meds and appointments..no need for a loan for invitro so we dont risk owing all this money if it doesnt work...no need to fill out fertility grant applications that just cause me to relive the entire situation......and no more feeling alone while we battle this "disease" that no one understands.

I know avoidance isnt going to help anything but it seems like its my only option until we get insurance coverage and I have income coming in. It is kind of pointless to stress myself out over researching, thinking, and deciding anything about infertility while I am unemployed. Sometimes I wonder if this happened for a reason to stop all the madness that was consuming me so I could reflect on the situation...but I always come back to we really want children of our own and would do just about anything to make that happen. I have got to believe there is a light at the end of this tunnel and no matter how we get there, how much money we have to come up with, or how much stress we have to go through. Something good has to come out of all this.