March 25th ~ Well today begins the first full day of my two week wait....this has already been the longest day of my life and 13.more days to go. The bloating from the hcg shot is miserable. I just have to keep thinking that it is my body doing what it's supposed to. But geez, Im miserable getting up to go to the bathroom, not to mention this bed in the hotel is like 3 feet off the ground so I have to jump down. We do have a jacuzzi tub in the room so I look forward to relaxing in that a little later. Tried to go shopping but the bloating was just to much. We had lunch at cheesecake factory....I managed to leave with no cheesecake BUT as soon as I got back to the hotel I was craving it, so I made it know that that's what was for dessert! It's really nice just lounging in our hotel room, napping, and watching movies. It's very rare that Greg and I get a chance to lounge around and do nothing all day.
April 4th....I have been very hopeful throughout this process, however today is different. I woke up with a feeling that I was not pregnant. My body feels normal...the bloating and cramping have gone away, almost like the calm before the storm. My anxiety about the cramping has already started. I really hope I'm wrong. I mean I've never been pregnant before so what do I know......
April 6th ~ I broke down and took a at home test, it was negative. I know it takes longer to hit your urine than your bloodstream, but it really just confirmed what I already knew. I dont want to say anything to anyone because I do not want them to say things to try to convince me otherwise. Went to pick up a crib from a friend tonight and it took everything in me to not break down. I got a bit "snippy" with Greg and I know he didnt understand what was wrong with me because I didnt want to tell him either.
April 8th...8am: today is the day. I sit here in the lab waiting to have my blood drawn and every piece of my heart is already breaking telling me I'm not pregnant. My brain says its still possible...possible you don't know your body as well as you think you do...possible pregnancy pains are very similar to menstrual cycle pains...possible all the doubt and negativiy in my head is just the hormones...possible I'm wrong! Today is also the 15th anniversary of my father's passing, the last thing I wanted is for this to be the anniversary of my first failed IUI cycle. I need a happy memory for today.
1:15pm: still no word....my anxiety is through the roof and my heart is racing...I'm trying my best to focus on work, actually thank god that I am working bc otherwise I would really be driving myself insane...every one is already asking, texting, and messaging about the results, I know they mean well but it makes me more anxious because now if I'm not pregnant I have to tell them all.....
4:00 left work, just called the office and the recording says it's closed??? They are typically open till 5:00pm.I can not go overnight not knowing...this is gonna kill me....
4:45 decided to check my online portal...and the results are in....not pregnant...on my way home now to just lay in bed and cry till my husband gets home....or so I thought. My dear friend Paige is leaving me this weekend to move to California. She stopped by to drop some stuff off and we decided to go get dinner. As much as i want to crawl up into a ball, Im gonna miss her and her little one, so I decided to suck it up and occupy my mind while I wait for Greg to get home.
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