My heart is still racing and while I was typing the post I was in tears.....these dang emotions are ridiculous. I don't know where all that anxiety and fear came from, it was just a very basic post that took me almost and hour to press the post button. My mind continues to race wonder what people are gonna think and say, hoping that they really read the article before the comment or say one of those horrible phrases "just relax" "try this" or "just adopt". Not to mention this is so not like me, there is very little about myself that I do not share and there is nothing else that gives me this much anxiety to share with people. There are a few that I share most of this stuff with but there are still things that only Greg and I know, and actually there are somethings that I dont even think Ive mentioned to Greg. I sometimes wish I could shout out to the world how much this sucks, how bad it sucks to be on a schedule, how bad daily in hormone medications and injections make you feel, how I hate having to wake up and take my temperature every morning or pee on a stick two weeks out of the month, not to mention having to take pregnancy test even though you know what it is going to say. Diseases tend to have alot of "unknown" about them, but dealing with a diseases that is not considered a disease by many including insurance companies or the government, is not taken seriously by many because "you can always adopt", has limited financial assistance, and forget about emotion support from friends and family. How can anyone possibly understand what we are going through if they havent been through this. I keep hearing my phone give me facebook notifications of activity but Im scared to check them.....I know we both have awesome family and friends, so you would think this would be easier. Maybe one day it will be, and maybe one day I can help others who are struggling with Infertility find their voice, but first I have to find mine.
Posted 4.22.14 ~ 1:29pm
No comments:
Post a Comment